to being an Encourager.

Oh my goodness...this Blog's vision was about one thing and my mind is now in over-drive over the word Encouragement and it may go in MANY different directions!!!

There were four of us in the car on Tuesday. I do not know how the conversation started...but, one of my dear friends that I work with looked at me and said you have the greatest lips. Another lovely coworker said, "when I first started at the office that was one of the first things I noticed about you". I have heard this MANY times over my adult life, but you wouldn't believe what I heard when I was a child!

Obviously I GREW into my lips, as a child they must have seemed larger...thankfully for me, they didn't interfere with anything in my life...but, to a couple of other children they must have been a large distraction! I was teased by a couple of boys in elementary school, that would taunt me about it and call me "Nigger Lips" I hate that term, I even hate that word!!! Anyone that knows me knows that I don't use that word, but that IS what I was called!

Imagine my relief in my 20s when full lips were thought of as attractive. Who decided this? Why did they wait until I was 20? Why did I all of the sudden feel better about my lips because SOMEONE decided that they were more attractive?

There are so many things that come to mind about this WHOLE thing. Think about how ONE person can make us think low about something or someone. Think about how strong someone's opinion can be to our own opinions and sometimes our beliefs. Think about how ONE comment, Good or Bad can be to the person we tell it to...there is not ONE of us that has not said the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person and created a different opinion or belief in that person's mind. All of us have done this.

Do we boost their confidence by words of ENCOURAGEMENT? Or do we tear them down with negative thoughts, words and actions?

We create this in our personal lives when we talk to people about someone else. We want to tell someone what that other someone has done to us and how they hurt us...we want others to know. We want people to rally around us, to feel that someone is OUR friend, and that they are on OUR side. I have done this MANY times...I have been so frustrated and hurt and I feel I deserve to tell my friend about this. Hold it...I don't deserve to do this, it is WRONG! I am creating in someone else's mind a negative thought about another person...there is no way that I can justify this. I may have had a negative experience with that person and they may have hurt me deeply, but I can not be responsible for destroying what could be a beautiful and safe friendship between two other people!

We all have negative days, we wake up grumpy...or we had something happen to us personally that has made us grumpy...or maybe we are going through a depression...or financial difficulty...the point is NONE of us knows what another person is going through on any given day. What someone said that was hurtful to me on Monday may not have been said to me on Tuesday, by that same person. What was said hurtful to me on Monday may not have seemed as hurtful to me on Tuesday. AND we all need to remember (especially me!)... I can't judge someone for something that they say or do to me, I need to forgive that person...if I take the time to think about it, more than likely I have done the same thing to another person at one time or another. I need to forgive and I need to turn the other cheek.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV

The other direction that my thoughts ran on this Blog was....that one little comment about my lips, what if that was the ONLY positive comment that someone heard for the day, or a month or even in a year...what if that is the ONE comment that they want to hold onto, it may seem silly to one person that someone would notice that about another person, but....I held onto the negative one as a kid....

I have my bags packed, I am anxious to being on my journey to being an Encourager.

being a Loyal Friend.

I was reading through this book I have called The Handbook of Bible Application. The boys and Mark got it for me for Mother's Day one year when all the kids were very small. I use it to find a topic that I am struggling with or to find a topic that I should access in the Bible.

Today I was looking up Fruits of the Spirit...yes, I know I should just know where to go in the Bible, but I also like what this book has to say along with the Bible. I was going to do a topic on one of the Fruits for this Blog when I looked on my left side and it was on Friendship and specifically loyalty in friendship. If that wasn't a nudge I can't imagine what was.

A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 TLB

It goes on to describe that real friendship involves face to face honesty. This week I needed to meet with a friend face to face and because of sickness I was not able to. I would have given anything to be able to be in her presence and talk through some struggles that we have recently gone through. But, it wasn't to happen. I pray that when I am better we can pick up where we left off and continue on as we were before. You see, I love this friend with all my heart and would never want anything to come between our friendship.

The book goes on to explain that the greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (and loyalty is described as "loving at all times")-being available in times of distress or personal struggles. I so want to be that kind of friend and I am finally realizing that I need to pray to be this type of person, in all of my friendships. I want to be there to cry with as well as laugh. I want to be the person that is called in times of need.

So many times we get frustrated with people because of what we think they did or didn't do right. Instead of walking away, we need to step back from it and think about the times that we have done something to someone else. How many times have we been in the shoes of the person that hurt us? How many times have we hurt others, either from not thinking about what we are saying or by just not being there for them? How many times have we let slip, words said during a conversation with a dear friend, to someone else and then regretted it fiercely? I know I have done all of these things at one time or another.

This is when it helps to stop and think before reacting or jumping to conclusions. It is that other word from the Fruits of the Spirit: Patience. I struggle with Patience almost as much as I struggle with Contentment! I have a lack of Patience with myself as well as others and situations. But, I am continually realizing IF Iwould have had Patience and took the time to wait and think, situations would have turned out so differently and I would see that the things that I have imagined rarely come true.

I have been so blessed to have many friends that forgive me when I do wrong to them and I truly pray that I will always stop and forgive and love them, too!

So, I have started a new thought when I am hurt...I say to myself and outloud...I am sure I have done this same thing to someone else at one time or another. And then I forgive and pray that I will be forgiven as well.

Because you can't have Love or Loyalty without forgiveness.